7 Editing for Sentence Variety
Learning Objectives
- Identify repetition in sentence structure
- employ strategies for creating varied sentences
Download and/or print this chapter: Reading, Thinking, and Writing for College – Ch. 7
The Importance of Variety
Imagine a world where all music was in a single monotone, all paintings were the same shade of green, and all dancing consisted of one slow dance step. Writing with only one kind of sentence style would fit nicely into that world. In truth, music, art, and dance gain much beauty and interest from wide variation. You, as a writer, also have the option to vary your sentence length and style strategically.
You can exercise this option only if you have a good understanding of grammar and mechanics and a willingness to edit your work. Writing dull, monotonous sentences in a first draft is not a problem; in fact, you will likely create stronger content if you write a first draft without worrying about sentences and word choice. When you feel your content and organization is strong, you can turn to editing. In addition to looking for informal or inappropriate language and errors, you can also employ strategies to create sentence variety. Study the strategies below and apply what you learn to your editing process.
Varying Sentence Length
Text of varying lengths is easier to read than text where the sentences are all about the same length. A whole page of extremely long sentences is overwhelming. Try reading a high-level academic paper on a scientific topic. The sentences are often long and involved, which results in difficult reading. A whole page of very short sentences, on the other hand, is choppy and seems unsophisticated.
Consider the following text that begins the first chapter of Mark Twain’s A Tramp Abroad. Twain begins with a long sentence (thirty-three words), follows with a medium-length sentence (seventeen words), and closes with two short sentences (six and five words, respectively). This mix of sentence lengths creates text that flows smoothly and is easy to read.
Now read a different version of the same paragraph. Notice how the short sentences sound choppy and juvenile.
Here’s another version of the same paragraph written in one long and rather overwhelming sentence.
One day it occurred to me that it had been many years since the world had been afforded the spectacle of a man adventurous enough to undertake a journey through Europe on foot, so after much thought, I decided that I was a person fitted to furnish to mankind this spectacle, and it was in March 1878 that I decided I was determined to do it.
Combining Sentences
Choosing exactly the right mix of sentence lengths can be challenging. If you use too many short sentences, your writing will be viewed as simplistic. If you use too many long sentences, your writing will be considered convoluted. Even if you use all medium-length sentences, your writing might be dubbed as monotonous. The trick is to use a variety of sentence lengths. If you find you have too many short, choppy sentences, you can combine some of them to add a little variety.
Since an abundance of short sentences will give a simplistic appearance to your writing, you don’t want to use an excessive number of them close together. You can combine short sentences as a means of explaining an idea or a connection between two ideas. When you combine two complete sentences, you have to choose to either subordinate one of the ideas to the other or coordinate the two ideas by giving them equal weight. Your choice should always reflect the intended emphasis and causality of the two initial sentences.
| Two short, choppy sentences | Combined sentence |
|---|---|
| He snarled at Princess. She snarled at Rover. | Rover snarled at Princess, but she proved to be the alpha dog by snarling right back at him. |
Using a Variety of Sentence Formats
Like making all your sentences the same length, starting all your sentences in the same format—say, with “the,” “this,” or “it”—could result in seriously boring text. When almost every sentence of a text begins exactly alike, it develops a boring and monotonous rhythm.
Original: The girl was terribly upset when her purse was stolen. There wasn’t anything that could get the image out of her mind. The thief was running when he grabbed her purse. The girl didn’t see him coming and was caught off guard. The girl fell down and never got a good look at him.
As a rule, within a given paragraph, you should try to avoid starting more than two sentences with the same word. Even if you vary your openings slightly but still follow the basic subject–verb–object format every time, you’re missing an opportunity to make your sentences more interesting.
One technique that will help you avoid using the same format is to make a conscious effort to vary your sentence constructions. Along with changing the beginnings of sentences, you can add variety by combining sentences, adding words, expanding descriptions or ideas, and creating and moving clauses. Using all these techniques throughout a paper will create a nice mix of sentence formats.
| Sentence Constructions | Examples |
|---|---|
| Opening adverb | Slyly, Princess snatched the bone while Rover was looking away. |
| Conjunctive adverb | Rover thought he was guarding his bone; however, Princess was setting up her moment. |
| Coordinating conjunction | Rover had the bone, but Princess was determined to get it. |
| Dependent clause | While Rover was looking away, Princess snatched the bone. |
| Introductory phrase | Feeling jealous, Princess made a plan to get the bone. |
Adding Words
You can add variety and interest to your sentences by adding words to expand the sentences. This suggestion in no way means to add meaningless words to a sentence just to enlarge and change the sentence. Only add words when they add value to your work.
| A short sentence | Value-adding words added to a short sentence |
|---|---|
| Rover had a bone. | Rover was gnawing on a bone in the corner of the yard under the cherry tree. |
Expanding Descriptions or Ideas
This tactic is more specific than the “add words” tactic, but it can be coupled with it.
| An existing sentence | Expanded descriptions and ideas |
|---|---|
| Rover was gnawing on a bone in the corner of the yard under the tree. | My Lab, Rover, was gnawing on a rawhide bone in the corner of the yard under the cherry tree. |
Creating and Moving Clauses
Adding new clauses or moving existing clauses is another way to add interest and variety.
| Sentence with a clause | Sentence with the clause moved |
|---|---|
| Rover was a large Labrador, and Princess was a small poodle who got the best of him. | Although Princess was a small poodle, she got the best of Rover, a large Labrador. |
Key Takeaways
- Varying sentence structures can make your writing more engaging
- Using different sentence structures, combining sentences, and adding meaningful words are key ways to vary sentence structure
- Focus on sentence structure during the editing phase of your writing process
